Exactly 100 years ago this tiny Nordic and poor country got an important independence. And 100 years later we have made this country one of the best in this world!!! (education, equality, technology, safety, health care, fresh air, environment etc etc). I am so extremely grateful for those generations who had to fight during the years and new wars and keep our independence and build this country every time after wars had ruined everything. This includes my close relatives! I couldn’t be more proud of Finnish gut (SISU) and the attitude that we will survive and make things even better by hard work in very hard weather conditions. Thank you all! In memory my grandmother Elsa 🙂 I understand my own personality nowadays better by hearing stories about my relatives 🙂
By the way – we have this huge and important party in the presidential residence where they invite every independence day a bit under 2000 quests that have made something important. This year one of my closest’s friend’s father is there with his wife 😀 That is cool. Congratulations Finland and keep on going!
I was so positive in my last post but now again I feel defeated. I am so tired of going enthusiastically to a job interview and ready to move and start my life elsewhere and then find AGAIN that the job isn’t any better than my current one. Actually the salary is even worse in every place I have been interested about and otherwise the work wouldn’t be that much more interesting. It makes you wonder what is it that you should do with your life. For many years you have tried to date men and “date” new jobs and EVERY time you find yourself disappointed. It is very tiring. I just don’t have energy to try anything new anymore. I just want to be in peace. BUT one dream I still have that I will try to make come true 🙂 And that is a voluntary work in Nepal 🙂 Maybe this job interview was ment to go badly so that I will finally have time to make this dream come true. I think there is always some purpose with defeats. Maybe the universe really is guiding you all the time towards the right tract 🙂 That’s how I have started to view life. So Nepal, here I come! 😀
How to stay positive and keep your dreams alive while living very basic life and watching at the same time other people going forward with their lives the same way you wish you could? It is difficult. Luckily I have deep down very optimistic person inside of me. Exercising, socializing and being active trying to do things you like is the key to stay positive 🙂 You need to put one foot in front of the other and keep on going. Pushing yourself out from the dark and melancholic cave where you have been for a very long time cutting down ties to people and just trying to stay alive (while feeling very depressed from time to time) is hard, I know! But it is possible. You need to do it day after day, one step at the time. You will fall again many times but all the time if you just keep on pushing yourself towards normal life you are slowly getting better and better and suddenly you notice you smile and laugh much more often than you used to 🙂 I am still afraid of letting people come back to my life and coming out from my safe cave but I will do it! Slowly 🙂 I just need more positive people around me who give me courage to try new things.
At the same time it is very important to remind yourself regularly how many things really are well in your life! I am extremely grateful about million things in my life! Do not just concentrate on things that you wish would be better. It is a cliché but true that you need to count your blessings. If your basic things in life are fine (health (especially!), family, a home!, fresh water, food etc etc) then you already have many things to enjoy. I for example enjoy going to a warm shower. It is so enjoyable and a normal thing for me but not for many people on this planet! We need to have dreams and go towards them but we need to keep the humbleness with us at the same time. Life is constant balancing. But exercising really makes you feel better! I highly recommend 🙂 Just came from fitness boxing and I love it! So people, you just need to keep on going and get out from your head! There are so many things to enjoy in life and a lot of beautiful things around you. Peace, love and namaste. And good luck to my dad who just flew to Spain and starts soon a sailing race over the Atlantic ocean with no experience of sailing 😀 Go dad! Life is ment to be lived trying new and scary things! Just come back safe and sound 🙂
“Ships are safe in the harbour but that’s not what they were built for”
How to be a lively bubbly tiger who just wants to be nice to everyone and make life a little lighter and funnier in the world of reserved and silent lambs who all are behaving so correctly and doing things perfectly and giving you looks that tell you that you are weird? Those unspoken gestures show that you have Again said something stupid (because you just are tired of taking everything so seriously) and you need to start to think Again what is wrong with you and do you need to try to inhibit yourself for the rest of your life to “fit in” better although that also makes you feel dead inside and not yourself. I have had this dilemma all my life (even as a child I Always got reminders that I am too much of this and too much of that) but especially now as an adult because in the adult world there are Many rules that everyone needs to learn so that they are “real adults”. I really don’t know how to live this life… I have studied 7 years in the university in a very hard field amongst the straight A students and all that time I have been questioning if I am on the right field. It was Extremely difficult time for me! Now I am working on that occupation but I just don’t have real passion inside of me – I do this work because I don’t know any better occupation for me and because I spent my early adulthood to get this occupation that is a big dream and a real passion to most of my colleagues. I don’t have a boyfriend, no children, no dog, no nothing (except this job) that normally people in their thirties have. I feel like a black lamb amongst my relatives, friends AND colleagues so pretty much in all areas of my life. I feel like I have just drifted in my life from one thing to another. I have started to disappear into my own imagenary world in my head and withdraw from normal life because nothing seems to work for me. I don’t want to feel miserable amongst others all the time. Plus many people are boring to me. So does anyone have any ideas how I could make my life feel a bit better? Should I continue being my own goofy self who goes on her own tracks in life and ALWAYS feel like an outsider or should I try to become more as others – “the normal” people? Life is difficult. That is the sentence that comes to my mind day after day and year after year. No wise advices to you right now, sorry 🙂 just me talking out loud the dilemma I have to face all the time… How to find the courage to be your weird self? Peace and love to you all 🙂