Wanderlust

I just have this Huge urge to explore this world – different places, different cultures, different kind of nature and everything. I have SO many ideas where to go and it is difficult for me to really stick with one plan and start to make that adventure to become a reality someday (hopefully sooner than later!). The freedays from work are limited so that’s the biggest thing hindering me from pursuing my dreams. (Also the psychological lock that questions if I really am allowed to be happy and live my life in my own way). I also want to use my holidays to go to meet my family, relatives and friends. So how to have time for all of these? 🙂 I’d like to go for example to explore Asian countries, South American countries (test my very basic Spanish skills. Yes I know they speak Portuguese in some countries), also North America would be interesting in many ways, visit countries in Africa AND visit Australia and New Zealand again. And, and, and… These dreams keep me alive in otherwise monotonous life where nothing happens – just work and being mostly by myself. I don’t know what to do with these dreams! 😀 Where to start and with whom. Time and money are limited. I just figured out one day that my dream job could be an explorer. I was born to learn and to find new things all the time. I was ready to settle down with a guy I was madly in love with but there were too many obstacles so maybe it wasn’t ment to be. Now I can start to chase after my dreams again – which is awesome.
Others buy houses, dogs, fancy cars and start a family. I run on my own searching for new things 🙂 Sometimes it feels very lonely. (I feel I haven’t achieved things people at my age usually have and I feel I am different so it’s difficult to find people who truly share the same passion as me). But I’ve noticed it is my way of living so I will try to keep this habit alive. I though really hope I will also find (and be able to keep) the love of my life. But in the meanwhile “Ladies and gentlemen, fasten your seat belts” 😀 ❤

Life teaches us

Life is difficult. We are constantly being taught new things – how to behave, what to say and how to say it ect etc. I once again was taught by my boss at work that no matter how much you think you deserve something and feel that now is your time to have something, you still have to be extremely humble and in a very kind and begging way to approach that subject. I am usually too kind and I have been letting things go through and not been often asking for my rights. Now that I am trying to learn to defend myself I am constantly being challenged and taught that you still have to be silent, peaceful and humble. Yes, I agree that is a better way for living than being screaming for your rights but I have to admit that I start to be tired. No matter what you do, say or how you just are there will always be someone(s) who want to correct your behavior, say what kind of words you should be using and even telling you how to live your life. I have earlier been saying that we should be tough (and I think we still in a way should be) but recently I have been taught again so many times that humility is the best way of living.

 

So just wanted to remind myself and others that we are stumbling all the time but we are also learning all the time. Let’s be tough AND humble 🙂 The happy medium is true. We will learn 🙂

Highway of madness

You close your eyes and breathe.

You will survive of everything.

Somebody took your strength although you yelled no.

This is the highway of madness.

You open your eyes and breath.

Maybe tomorrow you will understand.

You are still alive! You are still alive!

 

 

My note:

Feeling extremely sad for all the victims of the unbelievably disgusting terrorist attacks towards totally innocent normal people. This world is MAD and has always been… Let’s try to create happiness and harmony the way we can!

 

 

A reminder for bad times

Sometimes when it feels that nothing you do or say is right and it feels like life is going downwards no matter what you try it’s good to remember that everything will pass. Even after the darkest night rises the sun again. And you have beaten all the bad times so far so you will beat this time aswell although some life events really are tough… I know. Just remind yourself that better times are coming eventually. 

The difficulties of trying to find the right partner for yourself

How to cope in the dating jungle? How to bounce back every time you get beaten down with your hopes? I have tried to be as good person as I can my whole life and am all the time training myself to become a better and better version of me. Sometimes just feels I have no energy to try anymore. I feel the windmills are all the time blowing against me. I am on the right track with my life but still I haven’t been able to unlock the locks so that my life really could thrive. I have tried many different approaches to life but nothing seems to work.

I really don’t understand people. Healing from a VERY bad breakup and trying to start the dating again has taken time and still is in the middle of the process. I have been talking with tens of men online (now and during the years) and it is REALLY difficult to find a person you truly get interested in – someone who even has a small potential to become something more. Then one day someone hits your heart (when you had been questioning if you are able to fall in love ever again). You try to guard yourself, keeping him a little bit in a distance, not allowing him to come inside of your heart totally. Gradually you notice you think of him all the time and are CONSTANTLY waiting for his messages and every time you see one from him your heart sings. Then you ask couple frank questions and try to find out what kind of person he really is and… he vanishes… Pufff, he’s gone. You send couple messages (thought very carefully what to write and how), apologize if you hurt him and explain why you wanted to know such things but nothing… You are out.

And there are A LOT of people like him. I still think he probably is a good person with good intentions but this is enough, I’m done. Nowadays it is so extremely easy just to cut people out of your life without any explanation. It is really hard for a person who has no intention nor energy to play any games. But who really just wants to find a normal caring good person with whom they really click with and can start to create a life together and stay together forever. That seems to be extremely hard nowadays – no one is able to settle down anymore or act normally! Where are the social manners???

I try to keep myself positive and active in life (btw it is constant work for everyone) but sometimes it is just hard. I want to find a normal person who doesn’t just VANISH!

So please, if you are dating at the moment, be polite and use your social manners. Talk about your feelings and explain why you act in a certain way. Without communication nothing can work. If you are not interested about the other person tell them that and wish them all the best with finding the right one for them. And if the other one says or does something that you don’t like, tell them about it! Explain why you didn’t like it. We all are human beings with the same core desires – to have a happy and healthy life. So let’s be nice to each other – it doesn’t cost anything.