The law of karma

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A weirdo

How to be a lively bubbly tiger who just wants to be nice to everyone and make life a little lighter and funnier in the world of reserved and silent lambs who all are behaving so correctly and doing things perfectly and giving you looks that tell you that you are weird? Those unspoken gestures show that you have Again said something stupid (because you just are tired of taking everything so seriously) and you need to start to think Again what is wrong with you and do you need to try to inhibit yourself for the rest of your life to “fit in” better although that also makes you feel dead inside and not yourself. I have had this dilemma all my life (even as a child I Always got reminders that I am too much of this and too much of that) but especially now as an adult because in the adult world there are Many rules that everyone needs to learn so that they are “real adults”. I really don’t know how to live this life… I have studied 7 years in the university in a very hard field amongst the straight A students and all that time I have been questioning if I am on the right field. It was Extremely difficult time for me! Now I am working on that occupation but I just don’t have real passion inside of me – I do this work because I don’t know any better occupation for me and because I spent my early adulthood to get this occupation that is a big dream and a real passion to most of my colleagues. I don’t have a boyfriend, no children, no dog, no nothing (except this job) that normally people in their thirties have. I feel like a black lamb amongst my relatives, friends AND colleagues so pretty much in all areas of my life. I feel like I have just drifted in my life from one thing to another. I have started to disappear into my own imagenary world in my head and withdraw from normal life because nothing seems to work for me. I don’t want to feel miserable amongst others all the time. Plus many people are boring to me. So does anyone have any ideas how I could make my life feel a bit better? Should I continue being my own goofy self who goes on her own tracks in life and ALWAYS feel like an outsider or should I try to become more as others – “the normal” people? Life is difficult. That is the sentence that comes to my mind day after day and year after year. No wise advices to you right now, sorry 🙂 just me talking out loud the dilemma I have to face all the time… How to find the courage to be your weird self? Peace and love to you all 🙂

How to know when it’s enough?

How to know it’s time for a change? I have been feeling unhappy with myself and my life for years. No matter how hard I’ve tried to make my life enjoyable, fight against complaining and feeling depressed and anxious and find the beauty and shine in my life I’ve always found myself from a hole feeling those feelings and complaining. I have gone through a lot in this life but now it really is time when I know I have no other choice but to make some big move in my life. I can’t strain anyone with my anxiousness anymore and I don’t want to! I know what I would like my life to be like but I just don’t know how to get there. I got to live for a dream for some short time but that dream wasn’t ment to stay in my life. It wasn’t my destiny.

Firstly I know it starts to be time to leave this little town where I live and a working place where I am very miserable (work colleagues and my apartment are nice but anything else really sucks). I have been thinking about leaving this place for years already but for some reason (tired of moving often and starting from the beginning and out of fear) I’ve stayed here. But now I feel I’m against a wall – either I’ll emotionally and mentally die here or I will just take my belongings, move to a new place and try in a new working place. It won’t change my life for the better instantly or maybe even at all but I think it’s still better than staying here.

 

So how to know you need to make a change in your life? You feel anxious, sad and angry all the time, you feel you are stuck, you are afraid if this is it (you are questioning if life just really is this gray and if feeling miserable all the time is called normal life), you don’t really get excited or interested about anything anymore, you are isolating yourself from social relationships and your life gets smaller and smaller all the time. Then it really is time to make a change! I know making big changes in your life is very stressful but if you are this low then it’s better to take the risk and try something new. Now I need to start to make a plan what will I do. Luckily there are people out there who are telling how they got their life back – people like Sonia Ricotti who wrote a book “Unsinkable”. I haven’t read it yet but I took part of her webinar called “Bounce back big”. Reading and hearing about other people who bounced back to life gives us hope.