A weirdo

How to be a lively bubbly tiger who just wants to be nice to everyone and make life a little lighter and funnier in the world of reserved and silent lambs who all are behaving so correctly and doing things perfectly and giving you looks that tell you that you are weird? Those unspoken gestures show that you have Again said something stupid (because you just are tired of taking everything so seriously) and you need to start to think Again what is wrong with you and do you need to try to inhibit yourself for the rest of your life to “fit in” better although that also makes you feel dead inside and not yourself. I have had this dilemma all my life (even as a child I Always got reminders that I am too much of this and too much of that) but especially now as an adult because in the adult world there are Many rules that everyone needs to learn so that they are “real adults”. I really don’t know how to live this life… I have studied 7 years in the university in a very hard field amongst the straight A students and all that time I have been questioning if I am on the right field. It was Extremely difficult time for me! Now I am working on that occupation but I just don’t have real passion inside of me – I do this work because I don’t know any better occupation for me and because I spent my early adulthood to get this occupation that is a big dream and a real passion to most of my colleagues. I don’t have a boyfriend, no children, no dog, no nothing (except this job) that normally people in their thirties have. I feel like a black lamb amongst my relatives, friends AND colleagues so pretty much in all areas of my life. I feel like I have just drifted in my life from one thing to another. I have started to disappear into my own imagenary world in my head and withdraw from normal life because nothing seems to work for me. I don’t want to feel miserable amongst others all the time. Plus many people are boring to me. So does anyone have any ideas how I could make my life feel a bit better? Should I continue being my own goofy self who goes on her own tracks in life and ALWAYS feel like an outsider or should I try to become more as others – “the normal” people? Life is difficult. That is the sentence that comes to my mind day after day and year after year. No wise advices to you right now, sorry ๐Ÿ™‚ just me talking out loud the dilemma I have to face all the time… How to find the courage to be your weird self? Peace and love to you all ๐Ÿ™‚

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