How does it feel to be a highly sensitive person? It is a term that has quite recently came very popular although it has been studied since 1991 by a psychotherapist Elaine Aron. I’ve done the test couple times and every time I get the diagnosis that I am a hsp.
It is kinda a relief to know that I am not (just) weird – there is a reason why I react so strongly in many things and act weirdly in the eyes of not so sensitive people. This is an innate thing. I was born with more sensitive nervous system. I feel strongly both internal and external stimulus. I feel everything more deeply than many people. It is both a blessing and a curse. A blessing in a way that I notice a lot of subtle things in my environment, I get emotionally touched very easily and I am very emphatic.
BUT those traits are also very heavy to live with. Like I said I feel emotions very deeply, I feel the pain of others and watching the news doesn’t help it and I get socially anxious because I see the subtle things in my environment that people doesn’t really say out loud but I notice the tone of their voice, the way they look at someone etc. I suck the energy that others have and can’t separate myself from that. Because of all these things I get easily overwhelmed and I need then alone time. Because of my strong emotions I have always been a lot of ashamed of myself. I often wish I could have been different in some social situation. It is hard to live like that. It is hard to feel there’s something wrong with you (although you know now why you are so sensitive), feel often ashamed of yourself and feel you need to try to control your emotions. When people give me an advice just to be myself it doesn’t really help because the environment often makes me feel I can’t be totally myself. I need to be touhger, I need to be less sensitive and not to think so much. That’s how I feel. That could atleast make life maybe a little bit easier.
Luckily about 15-20 percent of people are like me – highly sensitive so I’m not alone. The questions I often have in my mind are: How to cope in life? How to really truly have the courage to be the authentic you?